The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
