this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
