dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is classic penis vs brain.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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