Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
FUCK WHALES
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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