so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
