franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize