You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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