oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
