i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
