I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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