If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
