I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize