She announced her abortion via fbk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
