I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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