I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
