It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
