shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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