Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
