It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
