So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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