My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
