Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
