He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
