i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
