3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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