i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
