your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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