there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
