just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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