weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
