Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
