If i come over, it means nothing
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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