I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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