First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
