is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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