turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
