Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
