oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
