I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
