3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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