I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
