So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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