my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
