Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
