they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
