3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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