he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
