i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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