we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
