I want to make a zoo with you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
