The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
