I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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