he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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