i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
