How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
