why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
