i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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