I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
