There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
