Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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