I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
