do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
this is an emotional support booty call
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
