I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
