Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
